To The Guy Who Tried To Hit On Me At The Restaurant While I Waited For My Friend
This letter is in regard to the September 1 incident in which you attempted to chat me up while I waited on a bench, clutching my Costa Rica photo album and R.'s copy of "The 40-Year Old Virgin," and you leaned on your host podium, waiting for customers to seat.
Let me begin by saying that I don't often get hit on. This could be because I hang out with people who are better-looking than I, or simply due to my own obliviousness. Whichever the case, I appreciate the effort. However, there are several factors of which you should be aware.
First, I have a boyfriend. It's been a while since I've been able to say that, so I'm going to lead off with it. While I did not feel the need to blurt this out while you yammered endlessly at me, I hoped that it was evident through my polite smile and closed body language.
Second, you were at work. Your offer to "have a drink with [me] at the bar if he doesn't show up," while considerate, was inappropriate.
Third, I was waiting for a woman.
Fourth, your mustache looked lonely and cold. Some accompanying facial hair might do it good.
Fifth, and perhaps most importantly, your declaration that "Old School" is "the best movie EVER" is not going to get you laid, ever. Take note of this one. Even disregarding all of the above, and the fact that I had just said that I did not enjoy "The 40-Year-Old Virgin." I can't at the moment come up with a list of movies that might get you laid, but watch this space--I will keep thinking about it.
In closing, I must commend you again on your confidence. Though I did not find you the least bit attractive, I appreciate your appreciation of me, and wish you the best of luck with other customers in the future.