Apologies Dennis, even though we were never meant to be together, I think we could have had a nice high school relationship had I not been so freaked out by the open way you looked at me. When we went Christmas shopping together at the Phillipsburg Mall, it was one of the sweetest non-date dates I've ever had. I knew that you would have been good to me and quite frankly, that scared the sh*t out of me.

Karen, when the rest of us decided to drink for the first time at the Carlton Holiday Party, we should have told you first. I will not forget the look of betrayal on your face when you saw us gathered around that box of white zinfandel. I know we promised to stay sober together in college and I think that moment was the first severed tie in our friendship. You ended up moving to Florida, which was also unfortunate for unrelated reasons.

Josh, I am sorry that I acted weird when you tried to start something with me. I cared too much about the fact that my roommate thought you were weird. You were weird, but I really liked it when you came over to play Asteroids and kissed me goodnight wearing your big Russian hat.

Breanne, I still feel bad about breaking your collectible McDonalds glass. I think it was the Hamburglar. I never did try to find a replacement on e-Bay, even though I told you I would. I was just jealous that you had a boyfriend and pissed that he left his stinky sneakers in the kitchen and lonely because none of my friends would come all the way out to Astoria to visit.  ¶ 12:25 PM