Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Things That Irritated Me Today
#1 The commercial for Venus razors that said, "Inside every woman is a goddess waiting to be discovered." Read: "You are ugly right now, but someone (male) might discover you if you shave that dirty hair off your legs, hippie."
#2 The article about kitchen countertop materials in Money magazine (which, inexplicably, keeps being delivered to my apartment) that suggested that you "search your soul" before deciding which type of countertop is best for you. Search your soul? I hope there is something else there besides f*ing countertop.
#3 Vans. I decided today that I don't like vans because:
a) people in vans drive slowly
b) vans carry things like prisoners, college athletes, and children
c) the Libyans in Back to the Future drove a van--Run for it, Marty!
d) Van Wilder looks stupid
e) Lucy Van Pelt was mean
f) James Van Der Beek looks like a lion
g) even though I really like "Moondance," I always get Van Morrison confused with Jim Morrison. This is not really his fault.
h) Van Gogh--OK. The ear thing--no.
i) Joran Van Der Sloot. The dude's name comes up every time Natalie Holloway's parents start banging their pots and pans again.
j) Martin Van Buren, our 8th President, called "the Little Magician" but sent the country into a depression. If I had a nickel for every so-called "little magician" that ended up depressing me, I'd certainly have more nickels than I have right now.
¶ 8:59 PM 
#2 The article about kitchen countertop materials in Money magazine (which, inexplicably, keeps being delivered to my apartment) that suggested that you "search your soul" before deciding which type of countertop is best for you. Search your soul? I hope there is something else there besides f*ing countertop.
#3 Vans. I decided today that I don't like vans because:
a) people in vans drive slowly
b) vans carry things like prisoners, college athletes, and children
c) the Libyans in Back to the Future drove a van--Run for it, Marty!
d) Van Wilder looks stupid
e) Lucy Van Pelt was mean
f) James Van Der Beek looks like a lion
g) even though I really like "Moondance," I always get Van Morrison confused with Jim Morrison. This is not really his fault.
h) Van Gogh--OK. The ear thing--no.
i) Joran Van Der Sloot. The dude's name comes up every time Natalie Holloway's parents start banging their pots and pans again.
j) Martin Van Buren, our 8th President, called "the Little Magician" but sent the country into a depression. If I had a nickel for every so-called "little magician" that ended up depressing me, I'd certainly have more nickels than I have right now.
¶ 8:59 PM
