Crushes, Part One When I was 4 I was in my cousin's wedding. I stood at the church door in my little white dress and imagined that the ring-bearer was my husband. At 5 I had a crush on a boy named Anthony, because he was the boy in school that all the kindergarten girls had a crush on. In 3rd grade I was deeply infatuated with Kurt, and even wrote lengthy fantastical diary entries about our secret love.

In 4th grade Rob pressed a dollar into my hand at the laser light show, and insisted I use it to buy myself a snack, buying himself my undying affection for the next 4 years. It waned when I sat behind him in German class, and, being a vain boy, he compulsively ran his hands through his feathered hair. Tiny flakes fluttered down across the "Milli Vanilli" grafitti on my desk.

For the rest of 8th grade and through the first months of high school, it was Ryan. He was popular but not unkind, which nourished my hopes. He had none, and ended his life in the fall of that year.

Joe sat in front of me in Freshman English, and had clear blue eyes. He talked to me from time to time in a friendly way. I stared at the back of his neck a lot. He did not have dandruff.

In 10th grade I was in love with Jim, a man 10 years my senior, whom I had met through a local theatre group. Luckily for me, he did not take any physical advantage. Unluckily, he did allow me to become seriously, unhealthily, attached.

In 11th grade I pined for another Jim, one closer to my age. He picked up dropped books and opened doors. All of my friends adored him, but he hated himself and would never come out bowling or anywhere else, with anyone.

Senior year it was Dennis, the first one to love me back. Unfortunately, we were both too shy and awkward to do anything about it beyond a few stilted miniature golf outings with another couple. A few times in the dark outside my house he looked like he might kiss me. Terrified, I ran inside and didn't return his calls.

Now it's my turn to start a game! I tag Lulu, Hapabukbuk, Coaster Punchman, Megan, and Dale to write about their first crushes....  ¶ 7:09 PM