On Fellating A Banana And Other Appalling Scenarios
Jersey Aikido Girl posted recently about jaw-droppingly bad television
, and it reminded me: what the f**?
TV sucks so much, that is the best question I can ask about it.
At the gym I listen to music on my IPod and watch several TVs at once. It's hard for me to look away because a) I don't have TV at home so it's a novelty and b) the gym is so f*ing boring. I always end up near the one showing MTV because I like to get my cardio in the corner. You know the basic format for "Parental Control," right? Some parents and their kid who want to be on TV pretend to complain about the kid's girl/boyfriend, who in turn acts like a complete jackass while clearly being coached by producers. Then some other kids who want to be on TV go on staged dates with the original kid, and the other three "watch" and "fight" annoyingly. It's actually better without the sound.
At the beginning of the episode I witnessed, the unwanted girlfriend struts up to the (low-angle) camera in a mini-skirt, turns her back on the lens, and smacks her own ass. Cut to: close up of girlfriend licking a peeled banana from bottom to top, gently tonguing the tip, then nibbling a tiny piece off, while lolling her eyes weirdly at the camera.
I'm there on the elliptical thinking, holy crap, they just showed a teenage girl fellating a banana.
It's 4:00 in the afternoon, and they are not even pretending anymore.
In other news, if TV had been in every home in the 1930s, FDR wouldn't have been elected and say what you will, I do not want to see either Hillary or Obama perform a sex act with a banana. Even metaphorically.