Thursday, March 05, 2009
Questions
One of the downsides of having Google News as my home page is that I always know what's going on with Chris Brown and Rihanna. I don't have any idea who either of these people are.
The latest, however, reminded me of something I was given when I was training to be a volunteer at a local women's crisis center. I do understand the anger when She goes back to Him; I've been on the bewildering and frustrating end of a loved one's refusal to leave. And some of it is less applicable to wealthy pop stars, but it's still worth thinking about.
The Right Questions
What's wrong with this man?
What makes him think he can get away with that?
Did the cops arrest him?
Is he in jail?
When will he be prosecuted?
Is he likely to get a serious sentence?
Is she getting adequate police protection?
Are the children provided for?
Did the court evict him from her house?
Does she need any other help?
Medical help or legal aid?
Affordable housing?
Temporary financial aid?
Child support?
The Wrong Question
Why doesn't she leave? ¶ 3:54 PM
The latest, however, reminded me of something I was given when I was training to be a volunteer at a local women's crisis center. I do understand the anger when She goes back to Him; I've been on the bewildering and frustrating end of a loved one's refusal to leave. And some of it is less applicable to wealthy pop stars, but it's still worth thinking about.
The Right Questions
What's wrong with this man?
What makes him think he can get away with that?
Did the cops arrest him?
Is he in jail?
When will he be prosecuted?
Is he likely to get a serious sentence?
Is she getting adequate police protection?
Are the children provided for?
Did the court evict him from her house?
Does she need any other help?
Medical help or legal aid?
Affordable housing?
Temporary financial aid?
Child support?
The Wrong Question
Why doesn't she leave? ¶ 3:54 PM
Comments:
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And here are the answers:
What's wrong with this man?
Probably comes from history of abuse & DV
What makes him think he can get away with that?
May have seen others get away with it. More likely he's too far gone in the head to be able to control himself.
Did the cops arrest him?
Many times, yes.
Is he in jail?
Only if it was "really serious" but he'll be out soon.
When will he be prosecuted?
The abused partner usually drops the charges. It's part of the normal DV cycle. Unless its toward the end (before she gets killed) - she knows that if she doesn't he will kill her when he gets out.
Is he likely to get a serious sentence?
Not if the partner drops the charges. And if he/she does not, I'd say not likely unless he did some permanent physical damage.
Is she getting adequate police protection?
There is no such thing if you have a crazy obsessed person after you who is more concerned with controlling you and/or revenge than anything else.
Are the children provided for?
The kids are likely fcuked no matter how you slice it.
Did the court evict him from her house?
Hard saying. If they did, he'll be back on his own account or by invitation from the abused partner.
Does she need any other help?
Oh, yes.
Medical help or legal aid?
Probably both.
Affordable housing?
Are you kidding me with this?
Temporary financial aid?
Yeah, ask Congress and then schedule your 3 million dollar incentive trip.
Child support?
Who knows.
What's wrong with this man?
Probably comes from history of abuse & DV
What makes him think he can get away with that?
May have seen others get away with it. More likely he's too far gone in the head to be able to control himself.
Did the cops arrest him?
Many times, yes.
Is he in jail?
Only if it was "really serious" but he'll be out soon.
When will he be prosecuted?
The abused partner usually drops the charges. It's part of the normal DV cycle. Unless its toward the end (before she gets killed) - she knows that if she doesn't he will kill her when he gets out.
Is he likely to get a serious sentence?
Not if the partner drops the charges. And if he/she does not, I'd say not likely unless he did some permanent physical damage.
Is she getting adequate police protection?
There is no such thing if you have a crazy obsessed person after you who is more concerned with controlling you and/or revenge than anything else.
Are the children provided for?
The kids are likely fcuked no matter how you slice it.
Did the court evict him from her house?
Hard saying. If they did, he'll be back on his own account or by invitation from the abused partner.
Does she need any other help?
Oh, yes.
Medical help or legal aid?
Probably both.
Affordable housing?
Are you kidding me with this?
Temporary financial aid?
Yeah, ask Congress and then schedule your 3 million dollar incentive trip.
Child support?
Who knows.
Holy crap. Yeah, you are probably right about all of it. I'm hoping your responses aren't coming from a past experience, but I fear they are.
Other right questions to ask:
Why, in the 21st century, do so many people continue to blame HER?
How do we, as individuals and society, benefit from blaming HER, not HIM?
In what was does this way of thinking keep us "safe"?
How far have we really come in dealing with domestic violence?
On a positive note, I'm thrilled that my bff posted this...the more we talk about domestic violence, the harder it is to blanket ourselves in our "this won't happen to me" ingorance.
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Why, in the 21st century, do so many people continue to blame HER?
How do we, as individuals and society, benefit from blaming HER, not HIM?
In what was does this way of thinking keep us "safe"?
How far have we really come in dealing with domestic violence?
On a positive note, I'm thrilled that my bff posted this...the more we talk about domestic violence, the harder it is to blanket ourselves in our "this won't happen to me" ingorance.
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: 2:57 AM
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